Frustration And Yelling

by Anonymous

This is the most embarrassing thing I would ever have to admit to but I need some answers... so I'm going to put myself on the spot. I love my 18 month old son more than anything. But I don't know why, but when I get frustrated with him I yell and sometimes even lash out at him and I can see that it scares him a lot.

He cries. I cannot describe the feeling I have to deal with after I do so and I cry because I feel so terrible. I know I hurt my baby's feelings and I want to fix things right away. And never hurt him again.

Some people tell me it's no big deal all parents get frustrated and lash out... it's not like you're abusing him. But I feel just as bad. I still know he's hurt.

Please give me some advice. I feel so horrible and I need to mend this so I can go on. And so he knows mommy didn't mean it.

Comments for Frustration And Yelling

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Frustration advice
by: Anonymous

Aida your comments are amazing, and it just shines out what a beautiful person you must be. I am copying your post and making it into a poster I can read every day. If I do half the things with my son that you suggest I can already see that this will be a much more fun time mothering than getting cross and frustrated for things that when I am rationale I can see clearly. Tiredness and sleep deprivation, breastfeeding and not finding the time to eat properly and replenish and the relentless cries when baby is upset can take its toll and I too have been a totally bad and unfit mother and I hate myself for it. I would never have believed I could be like that when I was pregnant. But your words are like a mantra and I will look at them and read it out loud every time an angry time arises and I think it will dilute the situation completely.

Postpartum depression
by: Anonymous

Please speak to your doctor regarding your emotional state with the baby. You may very well end up harming your baby physically. Postpartum depression is common and there is help for it. The sooner the better for you and the baby. Do not be embarrassed or ashamed. You are not alone.

Good First Step
by: Kylie

It is normal to get frustrated with our children I believe. Lord knows I have been myself. I have even raised my voice and thrown things.... it’s just that I do it when my baby isn’t around me... I leave the room and go outside. I’m NOT preaching to you, just trying to show you it is normal.

It is also normal to at times yell at our children out of frustration... although I would question the fruitfulness of yelling at a baby especially.

The thing is, by admitting you may potentially have a problem or that this could become a big problem in the future, means you are one step closer to resolution.

You could talk to your GP, a Health Nurse, someone from any mothers group you may be involved with. A sibling. A workmate you trust. Anyone who you feel might actually take your concerns seriously and give you support. It is a hard question to answer not knowing the services available to you in your area of the world.

You could find out if you have any help lines you could call, (this could depend upon the country you are from). These are usually local call cost or free call services that are anonymous and you can explain to them exactly what you said here and they could put you in contact with services in your area.

At this point there is no sense in beating yourself up to much, as it seems you are trying to stop the things you don’t like, and it is a brave thing to do. Especially in this day and age when we are expected to do everything perfectly.

A Few Practical Tips
by: Aida

I would love to tell you that no harm is done and that all parents lash out... unfortunately it doesn't seem to be a once in a blue moon thing... but I could be wrong.

Perhaps the best approach is not regret and then make amends which could potentially be used against you as soon as your baby understands what's going on. Rather fix the real problem. Get someone to babysit for a couple of hours... take a drive to a peaceful and comforting place where you can walk and think... then ask yourself... without remorse, nor guilt, or interference:

Why am I so frustrated?
Am I tired?
Am I angry at someone, and don't tell them?
Do I feel frustrated with being a full time, 24/7 mom?
Do I feel all alone in this huge task?

Ask yourself whatever it is you know is behind those bursts of emotions. Come together with it and find a solution or find help.

Sometimes adding comforting things to our routine helps. For example... if you miss doing some activity which the baby can't share... try and schedule it and get a sitter or ask a relative to take care of the baby for such time every so often.

If you feel frustrated because your baby is doing baby things that upset you, or you don't know how to cope with them, laugh and distract.

Yes, babies can be easily diverted by other things.

Simply breathe. Remember to smile, then laugh. Really it helps. Then grab your baby and either tickle him or spin him around or help him fly, whatever physical distraction you can think of, and place him away from the troublesome thing.

Make routines that you both look forward to.

Take nature walks with your son. Long nature walks everyday if you can. If there is a park near by, stroll the two of you to it and relax in the open, take a blanket and toys, snacks, diapers, water, a ball, books and a book for you, and play, enjoy while you can cause soon enough he'll be in preschool.

Chase the ball, put on a puppet show, read aloud while he naps. Roll on the grass together.

All babies need to learn boundaries. They actually make them feel safe and loved. It's teaching them that is hard.

Give yourself a hug. You deserve it. You recognized you have problem. You asked for advice. You are going to be just fine. Being a mom is really hard work.

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